Today is a very special day for me. It seems to be a date; however, that no one else remembers. Sometimes I wish I didn’t remember dates & numbers & anniversaries & special occasions so well. Maybe then it wouldn’t bother me so much when those I care about, who also care about me, don’t remember or even acknowledge the same occasion or date that carries such significance and meaning to me. But it does bother me. It hurts. It hurts deeply. Because of what it represents and means…to me. Sounds selfish, doesn’t it? Truth be known, it is. It is selfish of me to expect others to understand & recognize the significance of something that carries such incredible weight in my life. I want others to remember. I sound like a four year old ranting about everyone’s world not centering around me on this day. I admit it. I’m selfish. And have been since this special occasion that finds itself 33 years and running today. But I find no balance. And short of making it known (as I ultimately I do every year towards the end of each June 18th) no one will. If that weren’t enough, this date almost always falls on or right around a date that’s acknowledged and remembered and celebrated by millions upon millions - Father’s Day. You see the year that this initial special occasion occurred in 1989, it WAS Father’s Day - making it extra special even still. Fast forward 33 years til today, and I face Father’s Day again, which is normally delightful and celebratory and fun with my family as I get showered with blessings of love for being a father, hopefully a good one. But this year’s Father’s Day will be different. Why, you ask? Simple. On top of all my struggle with the curse of remembering and others not, this year is the first Father’s Day I’ll experience all this without my earthly father. And that makes the pain almost unbearable. I don’t know how I’ll make it through my first Father’s Day sermon tomorrow as a Senior Pastor without my dad. It doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem fair. And it hurts a lot. I pray I can make it through.
And that anniversary I remember today & will struggle through tomorrow - it’s the day I yielded my life publicly to God’s call to be a minister.
Ultimately I know it’s not about me. Ultimately I know it doesn’t matter if everyone remembers or if no one does. Unfortunately I battle it every year - because, even though I don’t preach & serve & minister so others will look at & complement & encourage me in some form or fashion, it sure is nice and greatly appreciated when someone does. And when someone does, I’m thankful; and to a degree, reenergized. And until next year’s Father’s Day celebration on June 18, 2023 rolls around, the curse of remembering marches on. And so do I. I love you dad. Happy First Father’s Day in heaven with the perfect Father.
